My Scary Halloween Costume

I've decided I will give the neighborhood children a lesson in politics and economics this Halloween by dressing as a wealth-spreader. The costume is a simple, bureaucrat gray suit, starched white shirt and blue tie. When I answer the door, rather than dropping candy into the bags of the little darlings, I will apply a carefully developed protocol for determining whether the child or children have too much or too little candy. I will carefully balance questions such as the cost and complexity of their costume (indicating whether they come from a poor, middle income, or affluent family) as well as whether they appear, to my eye, to be at the appropriate spot on the weight distribution curve for a child of their height. The effort and enthusiaism involved in constume design, relative door-to-door strategies, and vocal delivery of the traditional "trick-or-treat" greeting will not be taken into account as such considerations are inherently unfair when one considers the varying socio-economic backgrounds of the children.

Having applied my protocol, instead of adding to the total pool of available candy from my own resourcs, I will, rather, redistribute the candy among the bags to assure the most just balance of candy products among the neighborhood children taking special note of the mix of chocolate and non-chocolate items. Chocolate is more desirable and must, therefore, be rationed more carefully.

I'm sure the children will appreciate the justice of this system and the superior outcomes it produces within the community of children who consume candy, and I anticipate that next year, the lines of children at our house on Halloween will be longer than ever!