New $20 Bill

Quite frankly, the news of a new $20 is quite frankly horrifying. How can they do this to us expatriates? You leave home, and they give Andrew Jackson plastic surgery; you are on the verge of coming home, and then they tart him up with some pink and peach.

Moreover, this is a violation of a law central to my economic theory. Zambone's Law of Monetary Appearance is inviolable: "the value of a currency is inversely proportional to its beauty."

Alan Greenspan, email me, and then we can talk.