The Dr. Dean 'Heartland Tour' Begins!

It's official: Howard Dean, former Vermont governor and, pre-Scream, candidate for the 2004 Democratic presidential nomination, has scrambled to the top of the greasy pole known as the Democratic National Committee. According to this morning's news coverage Chairman Dean has set as his top priority a prolonged tour of those areas of the South, Midwest and West that recoiled from Senator Kerry and the Democratic party last year.

Dr. Potomac, while delighted by these developments, believes, in fairness, that a revision to the McCain-Feingold campaign finance law is required. The thrust of this amendment, let us call it the Dean Rule, is as follows: whenever either party engages in actions or activities that inadvertantly create a windfall for the opposition, those actions and activities constitute an "in-kind" contribution and must be defrayed by the party which benefits. Under the Dean Rule, all travel by the DNC chair must be paid for by the Republican National Committee when Dean touches down in the following states: West Virginia, Ohio, Missouri, North Carolina, Florida, Colorado, Nevada, Arizona, New Hampshire and New Mexico. Trips occuring within one year of a general election into rural Pennsylvania, metropolitan Pittsburg or western Michigan would also be covered by the Dean Rule.

So Dr. Potomac says, "Roll on, Mr. Chairman. Take the Democratic message into the hinterlands, swing-states and marginal districts of our great country. Let your voice be heard in our villages, hamlets, towns and ex-urbs. Let every convoluted policy nuance, liberal interest group plank, cultural code word and leftist litmus test that travels under the banner of the Democratic party follow you across our fair land. You're worth 10 points to us, Mr. Chairman, and we're willing to pay a lot for that kind of help."