Blah, blah, blah. History, history, history. Now that I have rediscovered my pass code, it is time this blog was livened up, which means a return to the last interesting topic raised: lawn ornaments.

Ever since Dr. C's FASCINATING diatribe thereupon, I have been giving close scrutiny to the lawn decoration ethos of various areas. First, as I was abroad when Dr. C's genius struck, I observed lawn decoration in the environs of Oxford, England. It uniformly consisted of burgeoning roses that apparently grow like weeds, tasteful, but uninspired. Though the garden display at the local ironmongers promised great things, gnary a gnome did I see. Thus the most interesting lawn ornament display abroad award goes to St. John's College, Oxford, which had a teddy bear hanging by the neck in its garden.

The inner suburbs of Washington, DC also are unfertile territory. The best we have is the occasional reflecting ball, the odd flamingo, and geese in matching outfits, but the geese tend to coyly peer out from porches, as if afraid to brave the greater world of the yard while wearing a ballerina's tutu, and who can blame them?

Southern New Jersey has more in the area of lawn ornaments, but they generally are limited in scope. They consist of the silhouettes popular a decade ago that linger on (The slouching cowboy; the dog and cat), the ever popular lawn deer (an ornament I find very puzzling in an area overrun by the real thing, unless of course clever hunters use them as decoys), geese whirligigs (ditto), the odd reflecting ball, and, for the Catholic, and invariably Italian, population, a statue of the Virgin. To be sure, there is a man on Almond Road whose yard is well...like Disneyland in miniature, but he is the exception rather than the rule.

No, from what I've observed in my travels, the Mecca for lawn ornaments is New England, even more than in the South where your neighbors are apt to use your lawn ornaments for a bit of traget practice. (Although to be sure, there are things like mini-Graceland, but that's not really a lawn ornament.) Yes indeed, Ex Nova Anglia Semper Aliquid Novi. If New England doesn't have it as a lawn ornament, it doesn't exist. From the enthusiasm with which New England yards embrace the lawn ornament, it makes you wonder if they weren't mentioned in the Mayflower Compact.

"In the name of God, Amen. We, whose names are underwritten, the loyal subjects of our dread Sovereigne Lord, King James, by the grace of God, of Great Britaine, France and Ireland king, defender of the faith, etc. having undertaken, for the glory of God, and advancement of the Christian faith, and honour of our king and country, a voyage to plant the first colony in the Northerne parts of Virginia, doe by these presents solemnly and mutually in the presence of God and one of another, covenant and combine ourselves together into a civill body politick, for our better ordering and preservation, and furtherance of the ends aforesaid; by virtue hereof to enacte, constitute, and frame such just and equall laws, ordinances, acts, lawne decorations, constitutions and offices, from time to time, as shall be thought most meete and convenient for the generall good of the Colonie unto which we promise all due submission and obedience.."

Oh dear, I mentioned history and Virginia and New England. None of us are safe....